Letting Go

Seven years ago, on Mother's Day,  I was having a miscarriage. I knew that on whatever day this had happened it would have been heartbreaking, but I was so angry because I knew that, while on this day women across America were celebrating their miracles, I would be empty handed.


Here it is May 9, 2010 and I am still waiting for God to bless me with children. You don't know how many times I have tried to make my dream happen on my own terms, in my own timing and in my own way.  As the years have gone by and I have grown in my relationship with the Lord, my perception has totally changed. Since I began singing with the praise the team, God has opened new chambers of my heart that I never knew existed. I began to see more clearly who he really was and began to finally understand how much he really does love me.  My heart has just been overwhelmed with a new love for God.  I've come to a point  were nothing else matters more.  I just realized one day that I was tired of putting a wall between me and God. I came to a place of surrender out of the deepest parts of my being. This dream of having children, of being a mother, I had to lay at his feet. I had to learn to let go of every single thing that was coming between us.  I told him that if his will was for me to never have children, I would still love him. I would still always have the most important thing...Him.


Since then I have come across Philippians 3:7-9 (NLT), which explains perfectly what I have felt in my heart... "I always thought all these things were so very important, but now I consider them worthless because of what Christ has done.  Yes, everything else is worthless, when compared with the priceless gain of knowing Jesus Christ my Lord. I have discarded everything else counting it all as garbage so that I may have Christ and become one with him".


I still want children very badly and I believe deep down in my heart, God will give them to me one day.  but I've learned that when I am seeking him and his kingdom I don't  have to worry  about provisions or dreams and desires because he says he will add everything when I seek him first. I know he will give me the desires of my heart because I delight in him.  But when I think about it, HE is the desire of my heart and all other things are just garbage and rubbish, a loss. They have become less important to me.  I just want to give God the best that I have....myself. There is no greater feeling than being able to express myself completely and freely unto the Lord. He deserves my very best in all that I do. I have found contentment, no matter what I have.


 Whatever you are clinging to today, just let it go. Surrender is as a sacrifice for the Lord. He will never let you down. Nothing can be gained without first letting go of it. Do you love the Lord enough to be satisfied and content, even if those dreams may never come?  What is most important to you? Where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.  Happy Mother's Day!


Amanda Blackshire